Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Fun while it lasted...

Read all of my Spearmint Baby posts here.

Was I mean to end my last post like that? I'm sorry.

I got the BFP and then I went to work. Working is funny when you've just learned you're pregnant. I was pretty much thinking only about pregnancy and babies the whole entire day. It's a good thing my students were testing because I wouldn't have been able to teach them anything valuable that day. I called my doctor and the receptionist said to come in that afternoon before 4:30pm to take a urine test and set up my first prenatal appointment. I was so excited that I left work early - the students were dismissed at 2pm, but the teachers were supposed to stay until 3pm (don't worry, I got permission to go) - and headed over. I peed in the cup and waited for my results and then they called me in. It was negative. I was confused. I told the nurse that I had taken a digital test that morning and it was positive and she said that it was probably just too early for the tests they have in the office to detect the hormone. She told me to wait a week and come back if I was still testing positive at home.


I was freaked out, but I had to get ready for my friend’s rehearsal dinner, so I went home, changed, and headed out. I met a couple of the other bridesmaids at a friend’s house and she had a non-digital test and made me take it. It was positive. I took another digital test the next day: positive.
From left: Roxanne, me, Laura, the beautiful bride, and Michelle
Since I was pretty sure I was pregnant, I didn’t drink at the rehearsal dinner or wedding reception. It was great to be able to think about being pregnant without feeling like I was imagining it.
The next night, we celebrated our second wedding anniversary (we celebrated one night early) and went out for a really fancy dinner.
I will never forget that night. We were so excited and happy.
On Tuesday, I left work and had a little bit of time before I had to be at my new school for a meeting, so I stopped by Babies R Us to just walk around and look. It was fun to think about registering and having a baby shower and decorating a nursery and I enjoyed every minute of it.
However, the high didn’t last long. On Wednesday, I woke up to pretty bad cramps. I remember laying in bed thinking that I was probably about to get my period. I tried to visualize the embryo sticking as I laid there and I waited a long time to get out of bed because I just knew what was coming.
During those five short days that we thought we were pregnant, my husband and I had discussed that if we lost the baby due to a miscarriage, we would still be happy (ish) because we would know that we can make a baby. Plus, there are things that can help with the sticking part and when we got pregnant again, we would do whatever we could to help it stick.
So, when I did get my period that morning, I was sad, but no more sad than I had been before we ever got pregnant. My husband and I both stayed home from work that day and I cried for maybe an hour. We went out to breakfast and played with our dogs outside and comforted each other.
Oh, and we sent texts to all the people we had told too early. Oopsie. Our bad. Not that I mind over-sharing. I mean, who am I kidding? I write about my period on my blog. But I think the problem with telling people too early is that they feel awkward when you tell them you’ve miscarried. I don’t have a problem with it, but maybe other people do, so I’ll try my best to keep the secret next time.

4 comments:

Janet said... [Reply to comment]

Hey friend! I saw your post over at Spearmint Baby, and my heart broke for you! I can't even imagine....but you're totally right, it's awesome knowing that you CAN get pregnant and I'm sure you will again, in due time! :)

Visiting from-

www.iheartmygluegun.com

Phil and Darby Hawley said... [Reply to comment]

I just read your post on spearmint baby. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, but I rejoice with you that it is possible! I can't wait to read the rest of your story and hear about the great things (baby showers, registering, nurseries) that are to come for you!

Amy said... [Reply to comment]

I stumbled across your blog and have read your posts on spearmint baby. I just wanted to say thank you for writing these. I feel like we are the same person or you are somehow writing about my life instead of yours. Our situations are eerily similar and it's so encouraging for me to read your posts and know that I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing your story. May God bless you soon with a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful baby!

Amy said... [Reply to comment]

@Amy
The crazy thing is, you're not the only one who has told me this. There are so many other women out there who are just like us, but for some reason many don't feel comfortable opening up about it. You are not alone and there is so much support out there for you!

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