Read all of my Spearmint Baby posts here.
I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom, or SAHM. My mom worked a lot as a restaurant manager when I was a kid and I always wanted her to be home when I was done with school. She often had to work on Christmas and Easter and I'd spend those holidays with family and sometimes eating at her restaurant. It was hard for us and I always knew I wanted something different for my family.
See the date in the corner? That would've made me about 7 months old.
When choosing a career for myself, I decided to become a teacher not only because I loved it, but because I knew the schedule would be ideal for raising a family. However, now that I'm faced with the reality of going back to work after having a baby, I'm realizing it isn't as ideal as not working at all.
Unfortunately, we are not in the position financially to lose my income. I know that I'll have to go back to work in August when the baby is about 4 1/2 months old and I'm very aware that I'm lucky I get so much paid time off (6 weeks will be a half pay and the rest will be full pay since it will be summer break). However, I know it's going to be very challenging for me to leave my baby at daycare or with a babysitter and go back to work. Any time someone asks me what our plans are for childcare, I tell them I'm not ready to think about that yet. We have time, I know, but I'll also admit that I'm in a bit of denial.
I have this fantasy that my husband will get some incredible promotion or job offer where he'll suddenly make enough money to replace my income so I won't have to work. I dream that maybe some fantastic opportunity will fall in my lap where I'll be able to work from home and still make the same amount of money without needing childcare.
Earlier today, Marissa wrote about how Harry Potter didn't know his mom, but still loved her and it got me thinking about why I want to be a SAHM so badly. I realized that I'm not worried as much about the baby handling me working as I am about me handling it. I know that our child will be just fine growing up with two working parents. I only had one working parent and I think I turned out alright. Sure, I wanted my mom home more, but I didn't love her any less because she worked. It's possible that I loved her more because of everything she had to go through to raise me!
Image by The Caldwells Photography
I do know that it will be really hard for me, though. Every time I come home exhausted after teaching teenagers all day with stacks of essays to grade, I think, "How will I be able to do this with a baby at home?" I honestly can't imagine being able to give a baby the love and attention it needs when so much of my time and energy is devoted to my job.
For now, though, going back to work is the plan and I had better start getting used to the idea because the way time has been flying by lately, August will be here before I know it!