My online friends, that is.
When I started blogging about our struggles TTC, so many women reached out to me who were also facing similar challenges. I bonded with these women over the internet and still follow their stories, as documented online. A few of them are now pregnant, but many are not and my heart aches to think about the pain they must be feeling.
Now that I'm pregnant, I know many of them no longer read my blog. How could I blame them? I remember I didn't unsubscribe from any blogs of pregnant women during my year + of TTC and I hated myself for it. Every time I'd see a post by yet another pregnant woman, so many emotions would flood through me: longing, anger, jealousy, despair. This goes for social media, as well. I even wrote a post about how hard it was to see status updates about the aches and pains or even the joys of pregnancy. I always thought I'd be different when I was pregnant - I wouldn't be like them. Haha... well, I'm sure you see what I've turned into...
I do try to be mindful about things I write in posts and status updates, but this is my life! It's impossible to censor everything while still being honest. Plus, I want to document this time in my life so I can look back years down the line and remember how it felt to be pregnant for the first time. Also, I have every right to experience the joys of pregnancy, just as all women do. I have to remind myself of that everyday: it's ok to enjoy this. It's ok to feel so happy inside I might burst. And it's ok to write about those feelings.
While I'm sad that I no longer have these connections with other women who are still struggling with infertility, I am happy that I've made new ones with other pregnant women and even moms. And I know one day my old friends will join me on this new journey.