Ok, ok, I definitely dropped the ball with my "Fit Friday" thing I started a while ago... I'm sorry, but dieting is just so hard. I went to the doctor this week and they weighed me and I was again astounded at the number. How is this possible? I am now 18-20 lbs above my ideal weight. Again, I know I'm not at an unhealthy weight. I know the number I am at now is the goal-weight of many people, but I don't feel good about my size at this weight. I don't like getting dressed up or going out for dinner feeling like this - and I certainly don't want to put on a bathing suit.
I would kill to look like Carrie Underwood in a bathing suit!
Yesterday, after a grossly unhealthy lunch and snickers bar for a snack, I decided it was TIME. I have to stop this madness. I can't keep saying, "the diet starts tomorrow" because it never does. I ate very healthy for dinner last night (very low-cal salad) and even went to bed without dessert (well, I guess that afternoon snickers bar was my dessert, but... yeah).
Today, while talking with a friend at work, I starting mapping out my weight ups and downs. It was shocking to see how much I have yo yo-ed, gaining and then losing every 2-4 years. Then, I remembered that I had seen a commercial for an Oprah show about dieting a few days ago so I checked out her website. After taking a dumb quiz where I found I'm a restrictor AND a permitter (you're supposed to be one or the other), I read this: "What happens is that people end up losing weight ten, 20, 30, 50 times in their lives. They just endlessly do it, because they think endless dieting is a way to get a handle on their problem. But even if they get a handle on their dieting, just losing weight is not the point," (found here). Hmmmm.... go on... "Unless you really see what your core beliefs are, what's making you overeat—beliefs like 'I'm damaged; I don't deserve this; love is not for me; this will never work out; God is a ruse; goodness is not for me; I'll always be separated from what I love'—and until you name those beliefs, they will shape your life willy-nilly. You'll just keep on acting them out by punishing yourself with food. But if you can finally get to understanding the beliefs underneath, you can learn how to live," (again here). Wow. Ummm... yeah. That is me. I do feel like I don't deserve a lot of what I have. I do feel damaged. I do believe that God is as false as a fairy tale and that goodness isn't for me.
Is she right? Or is this just another fad-diet type book? I guess I will find out...
I think I need to buy this book.