Overwhelmed

I'm too overwhelmed to blog. Don't leave me! Big news coming next week, I promise.

I would say I was looking forward to the weekend, but it will be full of grading essays. I am glad that I can do that from bed, though.

Have a nice one. Drink some wine for me, ok?

From here.

I wish that was me.

Bye for now.

First Day of School

My vision board (an example for the first assignment) is complete:

My dress is ironed (and I did it all by myself - I never iron):

And my lunch is packed:

Salad with homemade dressing, pretzel thins and hummus, a luna bar, and a vitamin water zero. I also made my lunch for Tuesday so I don't have to worry about it tomorrow. I have a feeling I'll go straight to bed when I get home from work; the first day is always so exhausting.

Wish me luck!

P.S.

I loved your guesses on this post. The dahlias and lilies are store bought and the roses and hydrangeas are form the garden!

Back to School Shopping!

Aren't I lucky that I get to go back to school shopping every year? I always like to get a few new outfits before the new school year to get me in the mood for work after a nice long break.

Ohhhh my goodness, I almost forgot to tell you!! Remember how I said that the scary teacher dreams would start any day now? WELL I had a big one last night. It was my new school, but with the same teachers. There were some bratty students and I stayed until 8pm (!!), but at the end of the day I was happy to be back. Strange...

Ok, so let's look at my new clothes, shall we?

This dress from White House Black Market. I used an online coupon code and had an old store credit, so I think I only spent $50. I already had the shoes; they're from DSW. I actually got this dress for my 10 year high school reunion that's coming up in a few weeks, but I can wear it to work, too.

This dress from Old Navy. Yes, it is a maternity dress. NO, this is not an announcement. I wandered over to the maternity section and thought it was cute and flattering, so I bought it. It works now and it will work later when I need some extra tummy room.

These shoes from Old Navy. I have them in black and they are so comfortable.

The pups wanted in on the photo shoot.

I'm sorry this photo is so blurry, but it was the most flattering in this outfit.

Here's an unflattering in-focus one. The skirt is the only thing that is new and it's from Old Navy, but it's not on the website. I'm having second thoughts about it and might be returning it soon...

This dress is from Burlington Coat Factory and was only $18! I already had the sweater and shoes. I have a styling questions for you guys: Do you like the sweater buttoned like it is above?

Or unbuttoned like this? I can't decide.

As I was linking to Old Navy, I found this dress that I really want. Maybe if I return the black skirt I can get it instead...

As for school supplies, I haven't bought much. I want to wait until I see what the school gives me when I go in for meetings at the end of the week before I buy a bunch of stuff. I did get a small fan for my desk (my room in newly painted and smelly), hand sanitizer, and a planner. I might get a new desk chair (the one in the room is wooden and stationary), but I'm going to see how uncomfortable the provided one is first. Luckily, I've been teaching for a while so I have a lot of stuff already.

Did/do you like back to school shopping? What's your favorite part?

When one door closes...

Today is my last day at my first teaching job. It is sad to leave this place I've been working at for four years and consider my home, but I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things.

This school is very different from my new school. My current school's neighborhood is very rough and almost all of my students have witnessed gang violence at some point in their lives. Our school does not perform well academically and is at risk of being taken over by the district or put up for auction for charter companies to bid on. Most of the parents don't speak English and aren't as involved in their children's education as we'd like them to be. I've had several pregnant students over the last four years and even had one this year who became pregnant while she was in 8th grade.

My new school is very close to my house and in a somewhat affluent neighborhood. The school is the highest performing in the district and is going charter by choice to have more control over how money is spent. The parents not only want their students to do well, but they want their teachers to challenge them so they are prepared to attend the top universities in the country. Every teacher has an LCD projector and document reader in their classroom so they are able to teach using power point presentations and without overhead projectors.

I feel like I'm graduating and moving on to the big leagues. More resources with more pressure, but I know I'm up for the task.

Goodbye PHS! I will miss you...

Currently

Borrowed this from Beth of Always Looking for Something New.


Current Book(s): Just finished Bossypants by Tina Fey. I was devastated when it ended.

Current Playlist: All Glee all the time.

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: Donuts for Saturday school. I ate three this morning and I feel like hell because of it.

Current Color: Peach.

Current Drink: We had margaritas on the rocks the other night and it was a nice break from our usual beer and wine. 

Current Food: I have had PB&J for lunch every day this week. Exciting, no?

Current Favorite Show:Glee! Duh. I've also been watching a TON of Sex and the City reruns.

Current Wishlist: I can't afford one, but I really want a new dress for my friend Laura's rehearsal dinner. Something like this...

from Mango

Current Needs: Patience.

Current Triumphs: Making it through my first (and hopefully last) cycle of clomid without completely losing it.

Current Bane(s) of my Existence: Saturday school and after school workshops. Only one more week!

Current Celebrity Crush: Cory Monteith, aka Finn on Glee. He's pretty adorable.

Current Indulgence: Wearing dresses all the time. I haven't been able to wear pants the past couple of days because of the horrid cramping and bloating from clomid.

Current Blessing(s): A husband who is just as, if not more, excited to get pregnant as I am.

Current Outfit: Dress! Navy and white with a white cardigan and red flats.

Current Excitement: Pretty excited about my mom's mother's day gift. I'll share it after I give it to her.

Current Link: http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/

Overwhelmed

What happens when Amy works an additional 15 hours a week (9 hours of class, four-ish hours of preparation), goes on clomid, and has round two of an interview coming up?

Image from here.

She eats all the cookies that her husband brings to her in bed, even though he was planning on sharing them.

By the way, clomid sucks. Cramps, bloating, nausea... loads of fun. Good thing it's cheap because I would be pissed if it cost a ton of money AND made me feel like hell.

End it.

On facebook today, I updated my status with this:

"ohhhhh the anxiety... when will it end? never, I suppose."


I get anxious a lot. I always have. I like to have control over things (duh) and I hate the unknown. Well here I am in a situation where I don't have very much control and my whole life is a giant unknown. I don't know if I'll have a job in the fall. If I do, I don't know where I'll be working or what challenges I'll face. There's also the whole pregnancy thing. I don't know if I'll be pregnant soon or if I'll have to go through more fertility treatments or if I'll be able to have children at all. This is one of the hardest times I've faced in my adult life, I think. I am most definitely at a crossroads. 

My friend Michelle commented on my status and said:


"decide to end it. :)"


I wish it were so easy, but she has a point. I have faced many challenges this year, but I've also grown a lot and I've taken several steps forward. Yes, I still get anxious and have moments when I feel like my world is imploding, but instead of letting it take hold of me, I take a deep breath, go to yoga, talk about it, write about it, and move on. Back in December, I wasn't able to do that. I would spiral out of control into despair. Thanks to therapy and myself (pats on the back) I am changing and growing.


So, while I haven't ended the anxiety, I've definitely learned how to deal with it and I'm getting better everyday. And that's a great feeling.

Photo taken by my husband.

The Sea of Resumes

Wow, has it been a week since my last post? I'm sorry, I've been lost in a sea of cover letters and resumes. So far, I have submitted resumes to 10 schools. There are a couple of job posting online, but I have to wait for my letters of reference first. I have one, but am waiting on a couple more...

Last weekend I took back a dress that my husband got me for my birthday and used that credit along with another gift card to buy some interview clothes. I got a blazer and three shirts. I already have a skirt and pants that will go with the blazer and I have some not too high heels as well. I still want a new bag, but I'm really trying not to spend any money as I won't be getting a paycheck starting in July.

Speaking of saving money, I haven't eaten out since last Monday, the 14th! Not a single breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I did have Maria's takeout last night, but it was free since my parents both work for the company. I'm pretty impressed with myself!

We were supposed to take a little trip during my spring break, but it looks like that is out of the question now. Maybe we'll just go down to my in-law's ranch instead. It always feels like we're on vacation when we go down there!

I just remembered something: last summer when we started trying to get pregnant, I had imagined that we would have an infant at Easter and go down to my in-law's with my parents. I actually pictured it in my head. The hardest part of this whole infertility thing has been all those holidays and milestones that I had allowed myself to mentally plan out. I'm really trying not to do that anymore.

On the subject of infertility, I'm going to the doctor on Monday to ask about starting clomid. I'm really nervous about it, though, and am not sure I'm totally ready. It doesn't seem like fun to go through all of those hormone changes while also interviewing for jobs. It might be too much to handle at once. On the other hand, I'm so ready to be a mom and I can't put it off forever. The timing will never be just right, so I might just have to keep moving forward, especially since we don't know how long it will take and what other treatments we'll have to go through.

I'm trying to think of more things to write, but my brain has gone blank. I'm so tired and stressed. I should go to the gym, but.... I'm just going to be lazy instead.

I'll leave you with a picture that shows what my lovely dogs did about 5 minutes before my sister-in-law came over last night.

Good thing our friend Emily had the couch treated to be stain resistant!

Television Debut

The last few days have been incredibly stressful. You already know I got a RIF, aka pink slip, but yesterday I found out that even if it gets rescinded, the enrollment at my school is going down so much that they won't have a position for me there next year. This means that, best case scenario, I will be put on a list of displaced teachers and I could be placed anywhere in the district. Since I've only been teacher for four years, other displaced teachers will be ahead of me in line and take the jobs at the decent schools and I'll get whatever school is left. Basically, I need to find a job outside of the district no matter what. I'm trying to see it as an opportunity for growth, but that doesn't make it any less stressful. If I could stay at my school, I would, but that isn't an option at this point.

On to happier news, I was checking the HGTV website yesterday and saw that our episode is in the schedule with a little description. My husband doesn't want me to tell anyone when it's on because he's nervous that we'll look like fools, but I can't keep it to myself.

From the website:

"Emily helps the Carters combine their clashing styles into one clean and contemporary look. A quick tour of the home and a style diagnostic determine this newlywed couple is a combination of Chic Boutique and Rustic American. With a concept in mind, Emily re-styles the Carters living/dining space, layer-by-layer. Her first look is inspired by the sophisticated feel of a boutique hotel. Clean lines, glossy textures and low-level furnishings create a sleek and savvy environment for this trendy young pair. For her second look, Emily incorporates a few rustic, colonial-style furnishings for a warmer, more all-American feel."


The episode is titled "Mantique Minimalism" and will air April 2nd at 9pm. If you have DirecTV, you can watch it at 6pm on the west coast. Tell your friends!

Interview Season

Well, it's that time again. I'm officially on the hunt for a job. While I really don't want to leave my current school, I'm trying to stay positive and see this whole RIF/lay-off thing as an opportunity. Ironically, I'm pretty happy I didn't get pregnant when I wanted to last summer because I would be huge right now and hugely pregnant women don't do so well on job interviews, I suspect.

Yesterday was resume and cover letter day, so today is interview outfit day. While I know it is what I say that should really matter, if I'm feeling good about how I look, I will do much better in the interview than if I feel yucky. Here is a little polyvore board to show what I'm thinking to wear for the first round of interviews...

Job Interview by amym83 featuring glass bead jewelry

#1: I don't wear glasses, but these from zennioptial.com for $30 would make me look super smart.
#2: Royal blue is a power color and this cardigan from debenhams.com for $56 would give me an edge.
#3: I recently bought some black patent pumps like these from zappos.com, but mine were far less than their $248 price tag. I love how mine are not too high and not too low: perfect for an interview.
#4: I've been wanting a black patent purse for a while, but I would only be able to sport this $1,795 one from YSL in my dreams.
#5: I have a black pencil skirt similar to this one from zappos.com for $69. It is professional and classic.
#6: I'll wear my husband's grandmother's pearl necklace, but this one from gerarddarel.com is lovely, too.
#7: While this shirt from farfetch.com is cute, I'll have to find one that is about one-tenth of it's $280 price.

What do you think? Would an outfit like this land me the job?

Random Friday

Ready for another post about my random thoughts? Here we go!

I took 6 students from my speech and debate class to our feeder middle school last night. They are all seniors and they gave speeches on what high school is really like to the middle school students and their parents. They made me very proud.

Fridays are the best. Not only because it is the end of the week, but because the morning commute on Fridays is way better than any other day of the week. I guess the reason for so much less traffic is that people ditch work on Fridays quite often.

Our district was supposed to switch the school calendar for the 2011-2012 so that we start in August and get out the first of June. This would mean that the first semester ends before winter break. It would have given us a shorter summer this year, but we would be back to our normal 2 1/2 month summer for next year. Well, they decided to delay it one year. I'm annoyed. If I get pregnant this year, I will have less time off next summer which stinks. Trying to give up control...

My plan is to make an appointment with the OBGYN in March to get started on Clomid. I've heard it comes with some nasty side effects like hot flashes which does not sound like fun at all. Oh well, I'll do what it takes!

I cannot wait to sleep in tomorrow and Sunday. I look forward to it all week. I think I was late to work three days this week. I don't have a first period class, so it's really hard for me to be motivated get out of bed and get to work on time. I hope I don't get in trouble.

My husband is going to an awards show on Saturday night for work. I thought about calling some friends to go out, but I think I'd rather stay home, watch movies, and eat ice cream. What a loser am I?

We need to have a dinner party soon now that our house is so pretty. I'm on the hunt for new cloth napkins because all my tables linens don't go with the new decor. I'm loving these from Dwell Studio at All Modern:

I like the placemats, too...

I have never received flowers that were delivered. I've always wanted flowers to be delivered to me at work like you see in the movies and on TV, so when I saw Ali's contest today over at His Birdie's Nest, I had to enter, even though I could care less who wins the super bowl. My pick is Green Bay, but only because I love cheese.

Have a fabulous weekend!

Back To School

I have to go back to work tomorrow. I know, I know, I'm very lucky, blah blah blah. I picked a great career where I get amazing benefits, but I'm not ready to deal with teenagers all day yet. I don't want to wake up early tomorrow and pack a lunch and deal with traffic. I just want to sleep in, go to the gym, organize some more, and cook yummy meals. I really want to be a housewife. Maybe one day I'll get there...

I have gone to the gym 8 out of the last 8 days. Before that, I went 6 out of 7. I plan to go tomorrow as well because I won't be able to go Tuesday, Wednesday, or Friday. However, I will still exercise those days by walking the dogs. FYI - I'm not some hardcore crazy exercise person. When I say "go to the gym" it means I go and take a class - and not those crazy spin classes, I take the low key ones like yoga, pilates, or core fusion. Don't get me wrong, I usually sweat buckets and am sore just about everyday, but once in a while I'll get a yoga instructor that wants to take it easy. I still love it, though. It is so great for my mind, as well as my body. I am seeing a real difference, not in the way that I look, but in the way that I feel. I look forward to taking class at the gym and my overall mood is much better. I feel happy and in balance, which is my major goal for this year.

The main reason I don't want to go back to work is because I feel like I still have so much to do before filming next week. NEXT WEEK! I can't believe it.

Here's a little list update, not that you care - I like to update it for myself to keep me motivated.

House things...
1. Take down Christmas
2. Organize desk and office closet
3. Organize master bedroom closet (husband's stuff)
4. Organize guest bedroom closet (my stuff) - ALMOST DONE!!
5. Empty writing desk - my husband wants me to keep his things in there, but I'm so tempted to throw it all out 
6. Organize entertainment center
8. Clean out telephone junk drawer
9. Organize coat closet and upper cabinet
10. Clean out refrigerator/freezer
11. Organize bar junk drawers
12. Organize kitchen cabinets
13. Organize laundry room
14. Organize hall closet
15. Organize mail sorter
16. YARD WORK
17. CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN - I will be getting help with this from a wonderful woman who cleans in exchange for tutoring for her son, but I will be helping because I need every nook and cranny to be spotless

And my dumb vain things...
1. Manicure with gel color (so it will last the whole week)
2. Eyebrow tint and wax *appointment made*
3, Hair cut and color *appointment made*
4. Outfit planning (3 days of filming means 3 cute and flattering outfits)
5. Makeup lesson (from my friend who did my makeup for my wedding) *appointment made*
6. Teeth whitening (at home with strips)
7. Diet *CSA veggies are helping*
8. Exercise *going to the gym every single day*
9. Magic dog training *wish us luck*


Today when I was cleaning out my closet (my husband and I have separate closets in different rooms, if you couldn't tell from the list - we still sleep in the same room, but it is so nice to have my own space to get ready in the morning), I found at least 20 different pictures frames, some in the original packaging. 

I'm a frame hoarder. I decided I'm going to leave them out in the guest room and tell Emily to use them if she wants. Why do I collect frames? No idea. I'll see one on sale for really cheap and buy it, thinking I'm going to use it for something, but I never do. I also have some with pictures from when I lived with my parents that I've never changed. I'm usually so good at getting rid of things, but apparently frames are my weakness.


I'm taking a book to bed tonight because I've been having a really hard time falling asleep. My mind just keeps racing about all the stuff I have to get done and where the dogs will stay the week of filming and what I'm going to wear and what I'm going to say and how it's all going to look. I'm really glad I have something to look forward to, though, as it makes going back to work a little bit easier.


ONE WEEK!!! It is really happening!

If we took a holiday..

took some time to celebrate...

I really love me some old school Madonna...

This last weekend was a holiday weekend for just about everyone! Except those who work in restaurants... and grocery stores... and malls...

Well, for me, it was a FOUR day weekend. Did you get that? I had four glorious days off. Why? Furlough. So, I didn't get paid for Friday, but did that stop me from enjoying every minute of this extra day off? No sir-eeee.

On Friday, I laid in bed ALL DAY. Seriously. It was as if I had some deadly illness. I got up for food and that is about it. Around 5pm, my mom told me she would be picking me up to go to dinner and then to my little brother's play. That is when I got up, showered, got dressed, and finally saw the light of day.

 Here is Teddy demonstrating my laziness. 

The dogs also stayed in bed (with me) all day. I'm convinced they sleep the whole time we're at work. Oh, and my brother was SO stinkin' adorable in 42nd Street. He played Oscar, the piano player... OMG was he cute.

Saturday was all about visiting with friends and family. I went to my friend's house and held her sweet baby girl, then I kidnapped her (my friend, not the baby) and we went outlet shopping. Everything at Gap and Banana Outlet was 40% off. By everything I mean THE WHOLE STORES. Plus, I had coupons which they let me use on top of it all.... it was epic. I only bought 4 things, though: one sweater, one jacket (for Australia - it will be winter there when we go) and one pair of earrings for me, and one shirt for my husband (I think he hates it).

Beautiful baby Eva gave her daddy a tough time while we were gone, but slept peacefully when we got back...

Then my aunt, her husband, and their two beautiful baby boys came over to my mom's for dinner. We had a great time catching up and watching the boys toddle around.

Here's Nathan eating his first lemon. I tried to get a good "ick" face (favorite past-time of my friend Roxanne), but he LOVED it!!

Sunday was cleaning day. I didn't finish the whole house like I had hoped, but I got the main rooms done: living room, kitchen, master bedroom. About five minutes after I vacuumed, the wood floors had a nice new layer of dog hair. My life is so FULL of dog hair. I also started designing our wedding album. I know, I know, we have been married a year already and I'm just now putting together my album? Well, we had amazing photographers, but we just couldn't afford to order an album from them. However, they give a disk of all the hi-res images on the couple's one year anniversary, which we just got on Friday. So, now that I have the images, I can start making my own album on the cheap.

I think we're going to go with the Madison from Picaboo.

I totally understand why albums are so expensive through the photographer. It is a whole lotta work. I probably spent 2 hours selecting and arranging photos on Sunday and haven't even gotten half way through.

Monday was, of course, Memorial Day. We celebrated by gardening. DUDE - gardening is really hard. Usually my husband takes care of all the outside business, but this time I wanted to help plant the flowers and veggies. While he worked way longer and harder than I did, I woke up this morning completely unable to move. Everything is sore. I really hope all the stuff we planted (pumpkin, jalepenos, watermelon, and petunias) actually stays alive and grows!

I want to make some kind of signs like these for all our veggies - from Etsy seller GlazedOver.

We already have some pretty good-looking tomato plants growing alongside our favorite herbs: basil and cilantro. The dwarf orange and lime trees my husband bought haven't given us any fruit yet and we've had them for over a year, but we're hoping that this is the season...

I am so glad I had that extra day off so I could have just one lazy day. I feel like weekends get so full of errands and activities. I never have a day to just do nothing. I try to cherish those days because I know they will be impossible once we have a baby.

How did you spend your holiday weekend?

THIS is why I teach...

There are days when I like my job, but many when I just want to sit in a cubicle and deal with people over the age of 17. Being a teacher is really hard and can take a lot out of a person, but there are times when I realize why I got into this profession. These days are like fuel: they keep me going when I feel like turning the other direction.

I wish I was this adorable when I teach...

The school year is winding down and, since I am teaching Speech and Debate this year (first time it has been taught at my school), I decided my students needed to feel what it was like to deliver a speech in front of a large audience. Up until then, they had only given speeches in front of our class of about 25. On Wednesday, they gave their speeches in front of 400 students and faculty.

Honestly? I was more nervous than they were. When they asked me why I was freaking out (I even wrote "FREAK OUT" as the agenda on the board for the whole week), I told them it was because they were my babies (16-17 year old babies, but babies nonetheless). I want them to be successful and confident and I was worried I hadn't prepared them enough.

They did such an amazing job. Today, I walked into work and every single teacher who saw me complimented how well my students did. They were really impressed with their speeches and debates... I feel like a proud mama.

When do you feel happiest at your job?

Ahhhhhh Freak Out!

Le Freak, C'est Chic...

I teach a Speech and Debate class along with my regular English classes. For the final, the students are giving speeches or engaging in debates in front of a large audience in the auditorium of our school. This is happening TOMORROW! We have one "Showcase" during the day, where teachers have signed up to bring their classes, and we have one at night so families can come and see all the hard work they have been doing.

The kids are totally calm. I am completely freaking out.

I'll let you know how it goes...